Defusing the situation
by dipothebookworm
Summary: Haruhi has gotten herself into a rather messy situation. Or, whatever you would call getting thrown into the ocean by perverts. Tamaki's angry, the twins are annoying, and Kyoya intends to teach her a lesson she will never forget... Oneshot.


Defusing the situation

(A/N: Of course, I don't own OHSHC, Bisco Hatori does. And, Haruhi is a little OOC in this chapter, so don't say I didn't warn you!)

Haruhi knew as soon as those assholes tried to harass some of the customers that it would NOT end well. She hadn't used her head, and just rushed in to defend the girls. What a mistake THAT was. When they tossed her off of a cliff, she had thought only one thing: "Well, s**t."

**Two hours earlier…**

"_Aren't you guys listening to them? You better leave them alone, you jerks!" Haruhi threatened. The two boys smiled._

"_Or else what, tiny? You going to hurt us?" _

"_How'd you like to take a dip, runt?"_

_The boys tossed Haruhi into the ocean before anyone could stop them._

_It was so cold. The shock of being tossed like a rag doll into the water shocked her. She could swim but… She felt so weak. A distant figure came towards her, purposefully._

"_Tamaki-senpai?" Haruhi thought dimly. He pulled her into his arms and swam back to the surface._

_When they reached the shore, she had never seen Tamaki so angry._

_Breathing shallowly, Tamaki began, "What were you thinking, you idiot? You aren't a martial arts master like Honey-senpai. You couldn't stand a chance! You're only a girl! Why did you confront them?"_

_Haruhi bluntly (as ever) replied, "Why should it matter that I am a girl and they were boys? I was the only one there. I had to do something. I didn't have time to think it through…"_

"_That's no excuse, idiot. What could you do against two boys?"_

"_Sorry you had to rescue me, but I don't think I did anything wrong."_

"_You… You don't think you did anything wrong? Fine. I won't speak to you until you admit your mistake."_

" _I suppose you won't be talking to me for a while then, senpai."_

**The present:**

The host club sat together, about to enjoy a dinner of crab legs. Tamaki and Haruhi sat next to each other, with the former ignoring the latter. He tried not to think about how cute she looked in that adorable frilly dress. Kyoya spoke, in his ever so cool tone, saying: "Sorry you had to cook the meal, Honey-senpai. I decided not to bring any staff in."

In his voice, sweet as, well, honey, Honey replied "Oh, It's no problem, Kyo-chan! Dig in, everyone!"

Picking up a crab leg and cracking it, Haruhi began to eat. After her twelfth crab leg, Tamaki broke the awkward silence.

" Don't you think you've had enough, Haruhi?"

Smirking, she hissed, "But I thought that you weren't speaking to me, senpai."

Huffing, Tamaki pushed his plate aside and got up.

"Kyoya, could you show me my room again? I forgot where it was."

Kyoya excused himself from the table and walked off with Tamaki. As they receded into the distance, Haruhi was lost in thought. "Perhaps he was right, in a way. Maybe I should learn how to defend myself,", She murmured.

"But Haru-chan, that's not why Tama-chan was upset with you," Honey explained. "You worried all of us. Especially Tama-chan. You should apologize to everyone, but especially to him, 'kay?"

"But I don't get it," Haruhi wondered. "Why would you guys be worried about me?"

Every host at the table facepalmed.

"Oh Haruhi," Kaoru sighed. "You are possibly the smartest idiot I have ever met. When it come to this sort of thing, you are completely hopeless! Let me spell it out for you, in words of one syllable: We. Are. Your. Friends. Wouldn't YOU worry if your friend got tossed into the ocean by a bunch of thugs?"

"Oh, I never thought about that. I'm sorry guys." Haruhi apologized.

"Oh! You're so CUTE! We forgive you!" exclaimed the hosts (minus Mori, silent as ever). "Group hug!"

After an overenthusiastic group hug from the Host Club, Haruhi began to feel sick.

"Too. Much. Crab.", she moaned.

"Get her to the nearest bathroom!", Honey commanded. "She's going to BLOW!"

The next events happened in a very organized, almost scheduled sequence:

8:02- Mori grabs Haruhi and rushes her to the nearest bathroom

8:03- Mori leaves to give her some privacy

8:03:32- Hikaru and Kaoru complain that their pet is sick because of Honey-senpai's cooking

8:04:- Honey assumes the aura of Death and chases the twins around (screaming obscenities)

8:05:10- Mori calms Honey down with Usa-chan, allowing the twins to escape with their lives

8:06- Haruhi pukes in the most unseemly way

8:08- Haruhi washes out her mouth in the sink

8:09- Haruhi walks out, feeling much better

"Well, that was a perfect waste of a delicious dinner." Haruhi sighed. Noticing another presence in the room, Haruhi turns. She sees a (very attractive) shirtless brunet drying himself with a towel.

Blushing lightly, Haruhi attempts to grope her way out of the room. "Um, sorry. I didn't know anyone was in here. I'll leave right away, sir."

"Don't be silly, Haruhi. It's just me." Kyoya put his glasses on, effectively proving the Superman/Clark Kent effect.

"Kyoya-senpai? Well, I'm sorry for causing so much trouble today and making you worry."

"Thanks, but I wasn't particularly worried about you. However, preventing the twins from murdering those two punks proved… Difficult. And, it WAS your fault that the incident occurred, so I had to send bouquets to the girls to make it up to them. They were looking forward to this vacation, and now it has effectively been ruined."

"You can add the flowers to my debt, senpai."

"Don't worry, I intend to. Each of those bouquets cost me 50,000 yen. That is a total of 300,000 yen, Haruhi."

Kyoya was acting decidedly strange at the moment. Haruhi stared at him as he turned off the lights.

"Why are you turning off the light?"

Suddenly, Kyoya grabbed Haruhi's arm and pulled her down to the bed. Pinning her arms to the side, he kneeled over her.

"Now, Haruhi, you realize I could take advantage of you right now. You've left yourself completely defenseless against me. You can't really believe that men and women are the same."

Haruhi snickered. This was un-FREAKIN-believable. Her mirth increased until she was full out laughing her butt off. Catching her breath, she began:

"Kyoya-senpai, you can't expect me to believe that. There is no way in hell you would dare do that to me."

"What makes you think that?"

"Well, because about three things would happen. First, I would scream and the entire Host Club would come in here and beat the everloving crap out of you. Assuming that didn't happen, two other things would occur. Second, as soon as I managed to escape, I would call the police and have you locked away for as long as possible, or at least destroy your reputation. Third, on the possibility that neither of those happened, and I got pregnant, then you would have to take care of it. THAT would completely obliterate your chances for becoming heir to the Ootori zaibatsu, not to mention the Host Club would never speak to you again, and my father would kill you. Which would really be a pity, because you are his favorite. There's no merit in you doing anything to me."

Silence. Kyoya got up, and helped Haruhi sit up. He chuckled.

"Huh. I suppose you have a point there. You are a very interesting young lady, Haruhi."

"But I did learn a lesson from this. You're a pretty nice guy, senpai. Though your methods are a tad extreme. You were just trying to reiterate Tamaki-senpai's point."

Tamaki walked into the room, confused for half a second.

"Could I borrow some lotion? That sunburn was a lot worse than I thought it would be… Kyoya you BASTARD!"

Kyoya got up and shoved the lotion in Tamaki's face.

"Use all you want, stupid."

He left the room, whistling as he walked out.

"Crazy kids. No merit huh? An interesting thought… In its own way, I suppose."

(A/N: Finished! This wasn't really as much a Haruhi/Kyoya fic as I wanted, but anything more romantic seemed wrong. This was also twice as long as I thought it would be, but it was writing itself. R&R!)


End file.
